Dear Matt: My Mom Is Getting Kicked Out of Her Elderly Community For Getting “Too Cozy” With The Staff

What will Matt advise?

October 8, 2020
dear matt resize

Dear Matt,

We helped move my mother in an elderly community last year and…it’s been crazy. Between COVID-19 and other adjustments, it’s been hard on my mom. 

My mom has been the bane of existence for the staff at her new elderly community. But recently, it’s come out that she engaged with unapproved ‘activities’ with an older staff member. 

I was not shocked, since my mother has always done crazy things like this. Unfortunately, the elderly community is terminating her lease and she has a month to leave. We do not have the room at my house and my brother is on the other side of the county. My mom would like to stay in the Cleveland area.

I’m not sure what to do at this point! I feel like she dug her own grave on this one.

-Mommy Problems


Dear Mommy Problems,

It sounds like your mom is a wild-card and someone with zest for life. What motivated moving her into an elderly community? She sounds like someone who would be better off in her own house perhaps.

What struck me was how normalized this behavior is for you. It sounds like she does things of this ‘shock’ level all the time! We all do things that are out of character (like having fun with staff members), but it sounds like she’s been out of character for a while. I’m curious to whether that’s personality or maybe a sign of mania? 

Your mother certainly dug her own grave, but it’s time to help her find a new plot of land for her to…well hopefully not dig into again. I think you need some tough love with mom. What does she want? And what expectations will there be with that decision? If she decides to go to a new elderly community, she’ll have to be better. It sounds like she was difficult for a few reasons. 

Support your mom, but don’t dig graves with her.