Glenn's Weekly Motivational-Curb Your Criticism

May 8, 2019

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I have many flaws, and I'm working through those every single day.  One of the biggest ones, and the one that has caused the most harm to my relationship, is criticizing.  I would focus on Steph's actions and how I would do something in a particular situation.  You're parenting the wrong way, here's how I would do it.  You're cleaning the wrong way, here's how I would do it.  I had a hard day at work, here's how I would treat me when I get home. 

It was killing us, and killing our relationship.  Even though I knew compliments work better than critiques, I couldn't help but focus on what was missing and it nearly broke us up.  Even reading this, it sounds so easy to make the adjustment, but I was incapable for so long.  I kept saying to myself if she would just fix this one thing and do it my way, we'd be good.  The reason why our relationship wasn't working was because I didn't give it a chance to.

I don't need to tell you about distractions, because they are everywhere.  All these distractions do one of two things:  They either lead you to believe the grass is greener on the other side which in turn breeds resentment, or they shut you down and the communication stops.  Both will ultimately weaken the bond that you had in the first place.

When you concentrate on the negative, negativity will be the result.  This is not only is the case in romantic relationships, but the relationships you have with your kids, your in-laws, your co-workers, and more.  Look, if Steph concentrated on all the things I am not, she would've headed for the hills long ago, but she has chosen to concentrate on what I do bring to our relationship and our family.  I am so grateful to her for being a role model to me and for our kids in this respect. That's not to say we don't offer critiques from time to time, but when you criticize someone on a regular basis, it feels like an assault of sorts.  It's belittling, it makes someone be submissive to the person delivering the critique, and it's a form of bullying.  When I realized what I was doing, I knew I needed to change my mindset.  When I concentrated on not criticizing someone, it allowed me to see all the beautiful qualities my wife, kids and friends possess.  You have to be intentional with your mindset or else it won't work.  It's not always easy, but its essential in any relationship.  Negative thoughts?  Stop them mid thought and divert before anything comes out of your mouth.   Your mind is a powerful instrument.  Fill it with positivity and you wont have to curb your criticism, because it simply wont exist. All my best xox Glenn